John is gone. I'm really not sure why. He said my life is too complicated and I don't know what that means. I'm pretty simple really. Ask me out I say yes and we have fun. He said he didn't know if his feelings were reciprocated. If he was really in love with me then no they weren't but I was in serious like and growing closer. He thought it wasn't going anywhere but it was, just not fast enough for him I guess. I treated him with more respect and honesty than I've shown any other man in over a year but he can't know that because I never told him. We hadn't progressed to pillow talk and automatically assuming we would be at one of our homes for the weekend together. All that good stuff was coming and he bailed and I have no clue why he made this decision without even talking to me about it. If he had a problem with me why wouldn't he want to straighten it out with me? Especially if he actually did have the feelings for me he said he did. My oldest daughter asks me about him all the time. I introduced her to him at Christmas. I had to tell her for the second time that he left me again. No clue why. Needless to say no one who actually does love me is pleased with him right now. Especially when I explain that not only did he break up with me but he hung up on me while we were discussing it. And yeah I was upset and hurt but I wasn't screaming or anything. Actually it was more like tears.

John didn't call me last night. His phone calls and emails have definitely slowed down. It's Thursday and he hasn't asked me out for Friday (or Saturday or Sunday). I've offered to babysit my grandkids instead for Friday. Last week we had a lot of fun together but he started out saying how he couldn't be with me and he had to work. I'm not sure why he changed his mind. When we're together things seem fine but you'd think he'd want to be sure he was seeing me at least one day on the weekend.

Anyways I saw Stu last night. The very first man I was attracted to after Ron left. We never broke up it was only one date and some email and phone calls. There was nothing to break up. But I when I was told that he was next door I went to say hi. I feel so good about it. I was a wreck when he went out with me that time. I was an emotional mess. Ron was only gone 2 months and I was still seeing him on the weekends. Stu was my attempt at moving on. I basically apologized to him for being such a mess. He even had to put up with my friends threatening him while we were on the date telling him not to hurt me. I was so damaged and it felt good to be able to tell him that it wasn't him, it was me and have it be the truth. He walked me back to the Moose and I went upstairs and he went back to his dart playoffs. I had one drink and went home.

I learned some more things at work today. I thought the VRTX database was Sun/Solaris and the FoxIA database was Windows but they aren't Operating System related at all and I have everything I need already. It took a conference with 3 people to figure that out but I did.