I'm glad I found this again. I can post what I feel without readers and just for me. Ron's left me and I still love him. I might take him back but I have a feeling that would be a really stupid move. Even if he changed his work shift he's still the same cheating, escapist, immature boy that he's always been. I wish I could find a way to keep him in my life but not have to live with him. It's what I have now but sooner or later he'll be broke and asking to get back in the house. I've had more freedom lately than I've ever had before and I'm enjoying it. Some of my past, lack of freedom, was my own fault. I would run home to check if he was there or had run off instead of doing what *I* wanted to do. I feared his scorn and behaved to keep him. I wanted to please him, just like a little puppy dog, or a slave. I don't know why. I don't respect him. Why do I have these feelings for him? They make no rational sense.